To my First Born Child

I don't know you yet but I can honestly say, I've been waiting for you for all of my adult life. I've had dreams, visions, thoughts and ideas on who you would be. I've spent days and nights wondering about you. Just last week thursday, May 5th, 2011 at around 7:30-8:00 AM, I find out that you were on your way here and my heart stopped. It was too good to be true. Had this actually be for real? Something that I though was so far out of my reach was happening. I stood still and nodded to Caitlin. "Well," I said, "Looks like finally coming about." I stay cool. I didn't want to let on what my heart so desperately longed for. I had to play it that way because its my nature not to get excited about things so good that it may not be true. Caitlin was crazy happy. She hugged me, smiled and left to drop Kiya, our puppy, at her moms and to also inform her of the good news. When she left. I stopped again and I prayed to God. I thanked Him for this gift and then I prayed that we would see you. I asked that He keep you safe and bring you to us. I could in my hardness take it but I feared Caitlin would not fare as well. I prayed that she would see you. I thank the Lord everyday for you and I smile every time I think of you. Its amazing to me that I haven't met you yet nor do I know you but I love you so much already. I want to be such a great father to you. To help you grow and become a strong person in the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to raise you in His will and ways. I pray that I will be up to the task of showing you this world and help you find your path. I hope that the times where you think I'm being mean or not understanding are very few and far inbetween. I want so much to show you it all. To teach you right from wrong, to watch you grow and be secure in God and yourself. I want you to know you. I want you to know that before you were a thought in my head, I knew you would be great. I want you to know that even if the world falls down around you and things don't go how you want them too, you will always be the world to me. I wish all the best things for you. I want you to be kind and loving. Unselfish to others and always quick to reach out and help whomever no matter whatever. Caitlin has all of these things and I want so much for you to have those qualities. I want you to have that. I'm not, at times, the greatest person. I mess up quite a bit but when I fall, I don't stay down long. My stubbornness is sometimes my greatest weakness and my biggest strength. Sometimes I can move and no matter what, I refuse to be moved. My will and my determination to overcome are a great asset but I pray that you can do what I can't and find the balance between it. Be Strong, Be Faithful, Be Kind, Be Thoughtful, Be Honest, Be Loving, BE TRUE...be all those things and more. You and I, we are going to have our times. You are I are going to be mad at each other. You're going to keep me up at nights and I'm going to make you not want to speak to me. I know this and I understand. I want you to understand that through all of that, through anything that life throws at us. I will never cease to love you. You may do things I don't like but I will always be your daddy and I will never stop loving you. I will always want to hug you and embarrass you and make you feel awkward with your friends when I brag about you to others. When those days come, when you don't particularly like me that time, I hope you will still always love me too. You are the hope and dream that I have always had. You make everything in my world complete. You are the first brick towards Caitlin and I having a home. With you, we finally have our own little family. I want time to speed up so I can see you. So I can see a gift so wonderful, it could only come from heaven. I can't wait for you to see our friends, your grandparents, your family, your world. We are going to love you so much and one day, when you are older and you look at me, I hope you know that everything I ever did was for you and your mother. I hope I can make you as happy as just the mere thought of you makes me. The world is not the best of places but it has plenty of good in it and I hope that you will let me hold you hands and show it to you even after the point when you don't need to hold my hand anymore. I love you kid. More than you could possibly begin to fathom. I know you need to take your time and get ready before you are ready to come out but when you do, I 'll be waiting for you with a ball and a glove ready to play catch with you...

Love, Now Always and Forever...Your Dad.

Finished on June 1, 2011

PS...I love you.